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The Vineyard (1989) James Hong & William Rice

The Vineyard (1989)
Genre: Horror
Country: USA | Canada | Director: James Hong & William Rice
Language: English | Subtitles: English (Optional, embedded in Mkv file)
Aspect ratio: Widescreen 1.85:1 | Length: 93mn
Bdrip H264 Mkv - 1280x690 - 23.976fps - 2.96gb

Dr. Elson Po is one of the world's most famous wine growers. He has a magic potion which has kept him handsome and alive during the centuries. However, lately the magic which rejuvenates him seem to be less and less effective. As a side project he make movies and invites a group of young, aspiring actors to his private island for a party, believing that the young, handsome actress Jezebel can be his new source of life.

Clumsily directed with a startling lack of competence by Hong and William Rice, with an incredibly dumb and trashy script by Hong, Douglas Kondo and James Marlowe which blends exotic black arts mumbo jumbo and hoary mad scientist clichés into a spectacularly ungodly brew, this entertainingly awful atrocity possesses all the right crummy stuff to qualify as a great deal of infectiously schlocky fun: we've got some tasty gratuitous nudity, a smidgen of soft-core sex, dreadful dialogue ("Castrate him!," commands Po to one of his flunkies who's caught a man who had an adulterous fling with Po's unfaithful wife), terrible acting, plenty of hot babes (Cheryl Lawson in particular is a total fox!), a plodding pace, cheesy, rubbery make-up f/x, tacky gore (a juicy decapitation and a scene with Lawson throwing up spiders are the definite gross-out highlights), badly dated thumping 80's rock songs, a bunch of groaning, lurching, rot-faced zombies, ineptly staged fight scenes, and a gloriously ludicrous conclusion. Karl Heinz-Tuber delivers a marvelously smarmy performance as a slimy effeminate talent agent. Both John Dirlam's crisp cinematography and Paul Francis Witt's shivery score are up to speed. An unjustly overlooked high camp riot.

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